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Dec. 26th, 2005 @ 09:06 pm (no subject)

Its that time once more. This shadow needs to be moving on and starting himself a little place he knows is completly free of prying eyes.. even for just a few heart beats. I like my space, I like to be able to say what I have to say and then move on. Now I am once more faced with the realisation that to may fetters are leading me back to places I dont want them to. It is a form of paranoia, but its my way of cutting the strings and fadeing back into the void. I will be more carefull whith the way my worda re stored as to not alow those I feel mean me harm the ability to vew them. So with that...

Fade to Black.
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Dec. 26th, 2005 @ 12:51 pm (no subject)
I hate the fucking holidays
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Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 04:14 am fuck off
I can be as humble as the next guy
Or I can blink and make you crumble from the inside
I could be every nasty thing, you ever thought a man could be

Cuz they all fall down (down)
Cuz they all fall down (down)

I can make you see the beauty of a new sun
or I can be the source of your desperation
I could be every nasty thing, you ever dreamt a man could be


Jaded, dated, i'm the type you hated
haunted, taunted, i'm what you've always wanted
yeah, yeah, i'm what you've always wanted [x2]

you can turn away like you don't even see me
Yea, you can smile like you got something I need
but every night you go home alone
and dream about being underneath me


Jaded, dated, i'm the type you hated
haunted, taunted, i'm what you've always wanted
yeah, yeah, i'm what you've always wanted [x2]

can't you see through this disguise
Find the little boy inside
I'm afraid of falling
Love is pain and now she's calling
and she's,
Jaded, dated, i'm the type you hated
haunted, taunted, i'm what you've always wanted
yeah, yeah, i'm what you've always wanted [x2]

Ive been told this sounds like its about me, I have no clue

whatever, today is yesterday and tommorwo is now or some such, Ive been up a long time now
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Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 03:56 am Ok fun from the Live journal stuff whoo hoo
Slept in your bed: I think it was me
Saw you cry: Laura
Made you cry: Myself
Went to the movies with you: Chris
You went to the mall with: Chris
You went to dinner with: Chris
You talked on the phone with: Drew
Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it:Laura
Broke your heart: Amanda
Made you laugh: Meg
Told you they loved you: ....shit its been forever, the girl upstares when shes walking around drunk, or my freinds sometimes say they love me when ther feeling warm and fuzzy, but in a romantic sence I have no clue to be honist no one tells me they love me.
Got in a fight with: (words) Abby, (physical) I dont know his name and nether does he anymore, (metaphysical) Me and Loki are in a tiff right now, but everyones cranky around solstic.


pierce your nose or tongue? Nose
be serious or be funny? Funny, knives are hidden in smiles
drink whole or skim milk? whole
die in a fire or drown? drown
kill a friend or let someone else do it for you? Do it myself
kill one person and save ten thousand or let ten thousand die and save one person? depends on how I was feeling when I woke up that day.
Be stabed in the back by a fiend or be stabed in the back by a parent? They both suck Ive exsperianced both, lets go with the parent I think the freind thing is to much honistly.



Simple or complicated? complicated
Gay? no
Hardcore? no
Honest? Always


flowers or angels? flowers
gray or black? black
Color or Black and white photos? color
lust or love? love
sunrise or sunset? sunrise
M&Ms or Skittles? M&M's
rap or rock? rap
staying up late or waking up early? sleepless
dark or light? Dark
Fate or reason? Reason is for the ignorant and fate is for those who dont know how to walk on the grass


do you like anyone? yes
do they know it? if not there not the person I thought they were
do they like you as well? no
do you masterbate? no
do you think about killing yourself? there you go putting ideas into my head
do you lissen to people when they talk to you? yes



being hot or cold? cold
sun or moon? moon
Winter or Fall? winter
left or right? left
having 10 acquaintances who will have sex with you or having two best friends? Two best freinds
sun or rain? rain
vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? I dont like ice cream but chocolate is nicer to smell



What time is it? 3:41am
What are you dressed in? A gray with black ringgers Backside Slappy T-Shirt, Horrably ripped dark blue Jeans, and a pensive stare.
Nickname(s): Hollow, Loki, and Raven to name a few
Favoret color? deeper than life blue
Favoret thing you can see right now? My copy of American Gods


Where do you want to live?: A place I can call home
How many kids do you want? Two
What kind of job do you want? I would like to work in the comic industry.
Do you want to get married? yes



Nervous Habits? Scrawl runes on my arm in black ink, write in Runes, talk to gods.
Are you double jointed? in places
Can you roll your tongue? no
Can you raise one eyebrow? yes
Can you cross your eyes? yes
Do you make your bed daily? never



Which shoe goes on first?: left
Ever thrown a shoe at someone? yes
On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? none I dont liek money, I use plastic for everything.
What jewelry do you wear everyday? Nothing these days


Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
Have you ever eaten Spam? one bite
Favorite ice cream flavor? none
How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? three
What's your favorite beverage? PEPSI
What's your favorite restaurant? I dont think I care that much these days
Do you cook? yes



How often do you brush your teeth? Twice a day
How do you wear your hair for the most part? I let if fall all over the place untill I have to do somehting then I pull it back.
Have you ever dyed/highlighted your hair? Yes

Do you swear? yes
You cook your own food: yes
You do your own chores? yes
You like beef jerky? shure
You like pepsi or coke? PEPSI
You plan on going to college? Im there
You're happy with your hair? Its mine its doing what its suposed to so shure
You own a dog? no
You spend your money wisely? yes
You're always making new friends? no
You like to swim? yes
Have you ever gotten so bored you called a friend? yes
You're patient: no



In the last month have you...

Bought something: yes
Sang: No, bad things happen when I sing, its a bad omen for me to sing so I dont.
Been kissed: no
Had sex: no
watched people having sex: no
Missed someone: yes
Called somone you missed? no
Got drunk: no
Gotten high: no
Danced: Not yet, tommorow
Gotten your hair cut: no
Watched cartoons: yes
Lied: weve been over this



Wished you were the opposite sex: no
Snuck out of your house? yes
Gave money to a homeless person: yes
Watched somone die: yes
Cheated on someone: no
Cut yourself: yes
Let somone take advantage of you: yes
Taken a risk with your life: Who doesnt every day?
About this Entry
Dec. 13th, 2005 @ 02:16 am In case you were wondering why I was preparing myself
I was going to go.. and then I thought I would drop some knowledge before I go

The celibration of the festival of 12 nights is almost here, Im shure any of you who pay half attention to the rambalings in this digital journal have sean me mention it.  This is the most important of all the Norse holidays.  On the night of December 20, the god Ingvi Freyr rides over the earth on the back of his shining boar bringing light and love back into the fuck up planet we all happen to inhabit.  As the tribes grew we also celibrated the birth of the god Baldur, yeah he did it first. Not that the Jesus was not a powerfull avitar, but the whole story was done before. Its cool Peter Jacksons Kong looks cool as hell and its a remake. I get the poin, flashy new shit so people pay attention. Anyways.  Jul signifies the beginning and end of all things; the darkest time (shortest hour of daylight for those of you who are a little slow) during the year and the brightest. Its when hope is re-entering the world. Its the time where Fenris Wolf, the son of Loki and the ender of all things wanders in the darkness and we must eat the sun to keep warm for the winter.  During this festival, the Wild Hunt is at its high point, and the dead are said to re-awaken on Earth and join in the dancing and the hunt. We get to run side by side with our fallen and hunt, dance, and scream. Its a time to be close to the peopel you love and the peopel who love you.  The All Father (Odin) is the leader of this Wild Ride; charging across the sky on his eight-legged horse, Sleipnir.  In the old days little German and Norse kids would leave their boots out by the hearth on Solstice Eve. They would fill them with hay and sugar, for Sleipnir's journey.  In return, The All Father would leave them a gift for their kindness. I think its cool as hell that little kid had respect for the gods, it wasint some fuck up greed day. They were just feeding old Sleipnir. I mean how proud would you be if you were the orcistrator of creation an all powerfull being and one of the things you chose to take under your guidance and protection, out of the kindness of there little hearts, because there rents' were rasing them to be thoughtfull good people, set food out for your horse. Thats so fucking cool. These day Sleipnir is exchanged for reindeer and the grey-bearded Wanderer becomes the fat gluttinus Icon of holiday greed Santa Claus. Yeah  and people wonder why I hate the holidays. Its not that I dont have anything to celibrate, its that every time I turn arodun I get to see The All Father revisioned and peddeling some useless shit like cell phones or video game systems. If you have loved one let them know, its the nature of the holiday. Im alone, if your not appreciate it. Its a time to remeber and be thankfull.
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Dec. 11th, 2005 @ 12:05 am (no subject)
I am the stone that the builder did not use, I am the F that formed the blues....

yeah... yeah I like that
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Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 01:35 pm (no subject)
It builds and breaks like a wave.... crashing onto the side of a boat I dont feel like being on.

Its warm outside.. I need it to rain...help me
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Sep. 26th, 2005 @ 03:51 pm (no subject)
[x] they call me: -ToN
[x] also: Anton
[x] sex: male
[x] my first breath of air: 5/9/82 11:58pm
[x] age: 23
[x] status: patently waiting
[x] nationality: german / russian
[x] ethnicity: eropian
[x] best homeboy[s]: The Fat kid, m0nk3y, and My Asian tenativly the laura persion

[x] most memorable memory: Neil Gaiman shook my hand.
[x] worst: Sitting in a bat-tub wondering why the toster was floteing.
[x] first word uttered: windmill
[x] first bestfriend ever!?: Matt

[x] college planning to go:shrug* ODU for now
[x] future resident of: wherever the living is good
[x] wedding: one day if Im lucky
[x] children: if they happen
[x] looking forward to: selling out my first printing of a book
[x] NOT looking forward to: my parents visiting

[x] feeling: a bit lonely
[x] Listening: a new track by Bubbu Sparxxs
[x] Talking: no one
[x] doing: this survay
[x] craving: a back rub
[x] thinking of: somone who will remane namelss
[x] hating: hate is kinda ignorant

[x] love is: The giving of yourself regardless of what resalts will come from what you are doing siple for the want to make another more comfortable.
[x] first love: Amanda
[x] current love: ... I am not shure
[x] love or lust?: Lust is not really my style, its liek myspace, ill crafted and messy
[x] best love song: I dont know that many love songs
[x] is it possible to be in love w/ more than one person @ the same time?: I havent exsperianced it
[x] when love hurts, you: When its one sided
[x] true or false - all you need is love: false, trust is also a good thing
[x] have you ever been in love?: yes
[x] is there such thing as love @ first sight?: yes

[x] turn ons: Soft hands, bright eyes, a sly smile that can become a cute litte girl smile in seconds, a real laugh and colors in the hair.
[x] turn offs: Close mindedness, thinking Superman can kick Batmans ass, a bad sense of self worth
[x] does your parents' opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Hell no
[x] what kinda hair style?: anything as long as its clean
[x] the sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: bake cookies without being asked
[x] are you the type of person to holler n ask for numbers?: I holler alot but its mostly because I am loud but no I dont holler for numbers.

[x] dog or cat: dog
[x] short or long hair: dont care
[x] innie or outie: innie
[x] sunshine or rain: rain
[x] moon or sun: moon.
[x] basketball or football: Football
[x] righty or lefty: righty
[x] hugs or kisses: its all good I like affection
[x] 1 best friend or 10 acquaintances: 1 best friend
[x] tv or radio: Tv unless its my radio show
[x] starbucks or jamba juice: anything but starbucks I hear peopke shit in there sinks
[x] mc donalds or burger king: McDonalds

[x] summer or winter: winter
[x] written letters or e-mails: written
[x] playstation or nintendo: I do liek old tendo' but I liek the playstation
[x] disney or nickelodeon: Nick
[x] car or motorcycle: Car
[x] house party or club: house
[x] sing or dance: sing
[x] freak or slow dance: depends on the DJ
[x] yahoo messenger or MSN: yahoo mail
[x] google or ask jeeves?: google

[x] can you swim?: yes
[x] whats your most embarrassing moment?: wow there are so many most of them ending with "you have a what?"
[x] what are you scared of?: myself
[x] what is your greatest accomplishment?: so far not dieing
[x] what kinda roof is over your head?: it looks liek spackel
[x] do you like tomatoes?: yes
[x] how many TV's in the house?: 2
[x] how many phones?: 5
[x] how many residents?: 4
[x] how many DVDs do you have?: 75 or so
[x] last dentist visit: few months
[x] last doctor visit: few wee
ks[x] last phone call: teh laura persion a few houres ago
About this Entry
Sep. 23rd, 2005 @ 02:37 am One more time, I dare you, Shes already ready to hand me the hammer.
.. little girls should not read big books they dont understand no matter how neat they think they are, there still little girls and should stop trying to pretend they understand the workings of adults. I will not stand for blaspheming the words of Gaiman, this includes silly rambalings where you think you know what hes saying. try me.. if you think im joking. I dont have much left to fall on or to trust is going to be there, that mans words are my hope, dont sully them with your idiotic babbaling and silly words spat in another infatuation.

I am not doing well
...no I dont care
I need to speak my mind.

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Sep. 22nd, 2005 @ 11:36 am (no subject)
For starters life has taken a turnthat seams to have came from the mind of Neil Gaiman himself. Yet another reasion I think he is the prophet of my kind. Things had gotten a bit stressed and topsy turvey whith classes and the chair and the arm thing and then out of no where the prof's some how understood and cut me slack. So yeah theres drama apparently im accomidating and this gives people the wrong impreshion, but if somone is crying i try and help, and if that somone wants to sleep with me and I say not its really because I just wanted to help. Now I seam to have collected a gaggel of people who are kinda always around but there girls and they get catty with each other so its a bit hard for me to get any peace any more. I wish they woudl all stop trying to out do each other. If I was intrested in any of them I woudl so have asked them to stay for Gaiman time. But I did not, well I asked Laura. But shes with somone else so thast nto really the same now is it. Any ways my luck with the lady folk seams to be somhow irevutabaly linked to there want for good sex and somone who they knwo will cuddel later. But I want more than that, yet somhow I ended up stuck in a world where if I say th wrong thing it sounds like the rite thing and then I becaome something else intierly. Now im just pensive. I mean good sex sounds good. But come n these peopel are not my type there just peopel who needed my help and now I seam ot have aquired an pack of rovers....

Oh well, theres some wackyness going on in Web so I am off to see what thast all about.

Later days all, till I figure it all out.


PS: Superman is still a little bitch and I could take his ass without the glowey green stuff.
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